Couple Therapy

Instead of looking for a person who checks all the boxes, focus on a person with whom you can imagine yourself writing a story with that entails edits and revisions.” – Esther Perel

I have worked with couples for the last 5 or 6 years and recently re-enlivened my passion for this work. I am old enough to have been through a few personal romantic experiences and young enough at heart to find this endlessly fascinating work. I have personally been married and divorced, parented an awesome (now adult) son and had my heart broken a few times. I share this to demonstrate ‘lived’ experiences as well as being influenced by several teachings including The Bader/Pearson Developmental Model, Neurodiversity, Gottman Method, Imago, Esther Perell, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Men are from Mars and Women from Venus, Love Languages, etc. My learning is ever evolving as new solutions for old problems emerge with my main focus currently on The Bader/Pearson Developmental Model.

In working with me you can both expect to be well listened to and validated in your experience. I am here to represent both parties and above all your relationship. I see this dynamic as threefold involving 2 individuals and the central entity called ‘relationship or marriage’. Each partner has a responsibility to nourish and feed the relationship although input from each party may change over time and the therapy may indeed be to identify where this occurs. It is often the case where one party feels he/she/they take the most responsibility and feel let down by the other party. This is where competing dynamics undermine the safety required for intimacy and sexual expression.

My job as I see it is to present options for consideration, strategies to work on and develop (with you) appropriate ways of reconnecting where this has been lost. It is to facilitate greater levels of attunement and empathy whereby couples can find their way back to emotional connection and security in relationship. I sometimes suggest working with each individual as well in order to better facilitate couples conversations which may be difficult to navigate.

I am not invested in the outcome although my heart goes out to both parties as I witness the real pain and courage it takes to engage with this work. Occasionally I am also called upon to facilitate a good ending where couples have come to an agreement to part. This I also undertake with heartful warmth in order to navigate this difficult transition.

“Graduate of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy Training under Ellyn Bader Ph.D. at The Couples Institute.”